Finding Myself

I'm pretty sure other people have experienced this... like most other people.

I am at the point where I look in the mirror and try to find myself in the person staring back at me.

Sure, same face...ish. Give or take a few extra kilograms and a few more wrinkles (laugh-lines). But I'm not sure I would have recognised this person a few years ago. What happened to my stance, my morals, my vision?

How is this the same care-free, driven, smart-ass chick that managed to get into so much trouble just a little while ago?

My view on eating has changed. My view on exercise, on kids, on relationships, even on what I'm planning to do with my future. Everything has been stretched and warped and twisted, and I'm not even sure who this girl staring back at me is.

For a start, I have decided to dive whole-heartedly into veganism.

Sure, cue groans and eyerolls.

Go ahead, but hear me out: I graduated with my BSc in Animal Science, and trust me, you do not want to see behind the scenes. Not only that, but I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and a whole-foods, plant-based diet is pretty much the best diet for dealing with this kind of thing, provided you do it right. Good thing I like veggies.

Exercise? I used to be the girl who wouldn't touch a pair of workout leggings with a ten-foot pole. I hated (and still do) group activities that include teamwork and other people's sweat at the same time. Which is why I have taken up weights and solo cardio. Still waiting for those kilo's to melt off, btw. But I'm loving it. And that's something I never thought I would be able to say.

As for kids.... no thanks. I guess in that aspect I'm like a number of Millennials in that I don't think popping out sprog is for me. Yes, I have given this numerous hours worth of thought. Yes, I know that things might change as I get older. No, I don't think I will be changing my mind.

Do I want to get married? One thing is for sure: romance is definitely not what I thought it would be. I started a little late on the whole dating thing, and I think the whole idea of having a serious adult relationship was highly glamourised in my mind. Of course, those teen romance novels I was reading at the time clearly didn't help either. I also happen to come from a set of divorced parents. I'm not a broken child, and I think everyone in the family can agree that it was for the best. That being said, the whole topic of marriage is still highly debatable for me, Nothing last forever, it seems. These days getting divorced seems as easy as getting hitched, if not more so. And honestly, I find that quite sad.

Which brings me to my last point: my future.

Highly uncertain. As it turns out, I had to choose the niche career that is not exactly widely available in my country. I have also quite recently decided to not get an Adult Job.

Gasp.

At least not immediately. I think this goes for a lot of early twenty-somethings: I'm trying to find myself. I know, super hippie, super cliche.

Except that it doesn't matter what other people think, because this is me trying to sort my life out. Everyone should be happy with the person that they have become, and so far I think my person has a lot of issues that could be addressed. The best part is that I am quite happy to take the time, whilst I have it, to try and sort that out.

I'm on a mission to find myself again, rediscover what I love and hate, what my stance on certain things are.

I want to find where I lost my spark and where my creativity is hiding.

It's probably in the same place as my self-control.

Above all, I've realised good health is one of the best things we can nurture, since it has such a MASSIVE impact on our lives. In this I mean good physical, mental and emotional health.

So, mostly I'll be focusing on getting myself healthy and happy again.

It's frustrating to lose yourself on this journey... But at the same time, it's kinda exciting realising that you can rediscover yourself in whole new ways, or even coax yourself to become the person you once wished you could be.

This is me signing off, promising myself an exciting new start.

I hope you can find yours too.

Cheers,

Tasha

#health